ShubhanAllah - Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani

After a long time, I finally was able to forget my problems and just have a really good conversation about anything and everything!
Thank you so much for that and I pray that inshAllah no one will Nazar our friendship.
Time to leave things up to God to let whatever happens to be in our favor [:

rant. 

you once considered me your sister and yet you still blame me for what happened and say you dont trust me. the world says that no one deserves a ‘friend’ like that who is predictable only to hurt you more and leave you when you need them most.

But I say its okay because the ones that love us hurt us the most right? Its happened so much over the years that its become habit. But one thing i’ve thought is that, there is no way a friend is supposed to fight for their friendship if the other person is putting a price on friendship. in this case a condition. 

The amounts of tears i’ve wasted on this ‘friendship’ is ridiculous and the worst part is, you dont even care. If anything i’m the one that feels used, betrayed, dishonored. 

but i still consider you my brother, and i wouldnt blame you like you blame me.

To be honest [rant] 

Even after accepting the fact that a friendship is not mended with some crazy and ridiculous ultimatum that will prove someone’s loyalty or gain ones trust back. I always find myself still looking for alternatives. Why? Because I still have hope and repent almost everyday of what went wrong, where I went wrong.

And even though I have had the same thing happen to me, more than once,I was always willing to look past it all and continue living the way I’ve had.

I find myself wondering, do you think what I do is a sign of strength or weakness? What you’re doing is that you showing the world how strong you are, or do you feel at a disadvantage and are entirely weak on the inside?

I feel as though this situation has gotten so out of hands. And no matter how much pain and tears I have to shed I’ll always be willing to give YOU another chance. Why I think this? Because the person who has been afflicted with the amount of pain you’ve given off, deserves the right to forgive and forget. And no I don’t think of you as a bad person, just someone who can’t see and understand my point of view and what I’ve had to endure for the past 2 years.

You’ve left me broken. 

Before sleep rant 

I was talking with a co worker today about how we all were when we were little. Took me on a slight flashback to roughly 10 years ago June. School had ended and we were in a fight. I was moving away. Your parents came to help us move while you stayed in the car. I came to the car but the tinted windows came between us. I know it didn’t make a difference to you but that was the beginning of heartbreaks for me. It was the beginning of a long line if those I cared about left me. I don’t blame you but I miss you. And sometimes I wonder what would have happened if we weren’t fighting.
What would happen if we were normal now? But then again it’s not worth it or I’m not worth it. No worries. You’re happy so naturally I’m happy.

Life works In the most weirdest ways.
Night tumbleweeds.
Stay happy.

I remember the time you sat and told me about when we were 8. And all the things you said that night that just couldn’t wait.

before sleep rant… 

I miss you.

I miss all of you.

Goodnight.

Traits I find attractive in the opposite sex. 

• taller than 5’3
• sweet/nice
• able to hold up a conversation
• educated
• have a career plan for the future, not some flunk
• dimples
• glasses
• have some sort of musical ability
• scent
• physique
• voice
• makes me happy [:

before sleep rant… 

I love you.

I love you

I love you

I LOVE you

i always have. i always will. 

And there is nothing, nothing that is going to make me stop loving you.

Maybe we’ll have a shot at it in the future. Maybe its not meant to be. Maybe its just better to be forgotten like most of our past.

and maybe its just one sided.

But something tells me that since that day you have been dropping by, checking whether or not if i have posted anything about you lately. Well here it is.

let me write it on a billboard

or sing it on stage in front of millions of people trying out for the x factor

But just know this one thing aside from the obvious. I wont say your name

Because if you can know that I am talking about you, then I know that i have been heard.

I miss you. Always have and always will

but more importantly i will never stop loving you, even when there is no neurological function or no blood pumping in my heart because

I dont need a heart to keep my love within; it goes with me, everywhere.

It will continue to go on when there is not a single soul left on this earth. 

Even if you refuse to accept it will continue to go.

Because of the hope my love has for you.

I love you.

I miss you.

Goodnight tumbleweeds.

i think that possibly
maybe I’ve fallen for u
yes
there’s a chance I’ve fallen quite hard over u

I tell my love to wreck it all
Cut out all the ropes and let me fall
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Right in this moment this order’s tall

i remember the time u told me about when u were eight. 
and all the things u said that night that just couldn’t wait.

then it hurt so bad sometimes 
when not having u here…

then i think
possibly I’ve fallen for u…
all over again 
♥

Heres to the truth 

What i really feel,

no what you should feel is 

dissapointment ,

in yourself.

You were my friend.

My mistake to think maybe

a best friend, if only,

only you gave in some thought,

some effort into this relationship.

I was always there for you. 

Yes in the beginning we were falling from 

the beanstalk yet, i held out that hand for you

despite you pushing me out of the way.

I stood there

while you tormented me

with words with the tone

that cut more than a blade could ever puncture.

I was there defending your name

on that flag defining our friendship

Hoping you’d do the same.

But was our bond that weak?

How is it that others vile

serpent like tongues had 

words of gold that

lured you into a trap 

against me.

All i ever wanted was to make you happy

All i ever wanted was to be happy

for you.

But how could that be possible

when you didnt believe me when i said

i would never.

All i said

All i wished

was that you’d come back and realized

i’d be that friend, that despite the humans

that came and left, i’d be willing to stay.

But you didn’t believe me.

You didnt hear my story

Now heres to the truth

the curse I gift to you.

And when someone is embedded withing your DNA, it is nearly impossible to ever forget them, let alone to never love them again. 

Before starting my paper rant… 

• bullet points help me with the clearing of my mind
• I do miss you…terribly
• so much that i cannot fathom how i’ve been living without you
• I’m sorry i havnt written lately
• This Pyshchology paper isnt helping me at all
• The raat ki rani plant in my living smells heavenly…sort of giving me courage
• courage to face what is about to happen in a few moments
• me realizing whats gone wrong, and what is back
• I cant believe its back
• how the hell do i tell my parents?
• Why does my mind keep going back to you? leave…please
• You were really mean to me, especially what you said…it was rude and just plain ole’ mean, jerky, ass like. Yet everyone might hate you for it, i cant seem to gather the courage to accept what others might think.[just my flipping luck]
• No he is not my new victim
• wth i have victims?they’re friends lames!
• honestly what the hell do i write this paper on?
• I can’t have anymore energy drinks or coffee… this sucks
• how the hell am i supposed to pull this all nighter?
• why didnt i do this earlier?
• the price i pay for procastinating
• can i finish gossip girl?
• can i move to new york?
• I love you Chicago, but i dont like the people that reside within you.
• how wrong does that sound? ahh eff it.
• sweet tea. yumm. or should I move to the South?
• North Carolina? Georgia? Texas?
• I dont know whats wrong with all the people that are leaving me… but i guess its a late spring cleaning, or should i say, the tree is shedding the dead leaves early before the winter storm attacks.
• Gosh i really do miss writing…
• more importantly music. Where is my violin?
• i should stop thinking so much
• i love how i’m typing so fast
• lalala why am i so short. can i go to the beach now?
• can i stop time and finish this paper?
• I’m too scared to tell them about any of this… my life is officially over. 
• oh and addition to my amazing! luck 
• I have no close friends to tell. yay.
• fml
• let me just die now
• so no one will have a chance to kiss up to me and tell me how much they ‘love me’ hell no you do not. 
• As much as i want to stop caring about the people who clearly dont want to be apart of my life, i cant.
• #bearproblems
• Alright time to research, pull this allnighter and be DONE! with this paper
• Good night all you tumblr creatures!
• yo ho ho, a pirates life something..?

movie review: Seeking a friend for the end of the world. 

Midterms are finally over. and what do i do instead of catching up n sleep? i watch

Like honestly how horrid can that be? I watch a movie. that only makes me realize. what i’m doing with my life. whats important to me, right when its midterms. coincedence? i think NOT!

but no seriously. this movie. i cannot fathom how much i adore Keira Knightly. i have always loved her from Pride and Prejudice to Pirates! but this is just so different. and her role is so free spirited and just the right amount of me. But one think thats different is she doesnt care! what people think. though she holds a special place for family and love and friends taht she makes a way to remember all of them. But of course another way we connect is that she is always chasing love. going from boyfriend to boyfriend. breaking mens/boys hearts because she didnt quite find the one boy her heart would break for. even at the mere thought of him being in love with someone else. and that my friends is what happens when two romantics concieve.

On another note i absolutely LOVE! Steve Carell. Apart from the quirky guy from the office and trying to get out of his old age phase in crazy stupid love. He is just the typical guy who has reached midlife crisis  in a sort of way that no one would have thought. yet heis saved by his odd neighbor whom he has never met up until three weeks before the world ends. 

Frm their journey to escaping the odd riot, to the random truck suicide type guy to them being in olivias house and having dinner. the both have embarked on a journey that neither knew was going to end with them being together. dying together. the love that completes on another. the love that saves ne another right before their death. 

but still i knew the ending was coming though I just wish! the twist of “oh whoops the meteor got stopped and we’re not going to die” happened and they both ended up together and told their children, grandchildren and so forth the story of how they first met before teh world was technically supposed to die… yes i am an optimist and a sucker forhappy endings.

But one thing this movie has taught me is live life to the fullest and even if you havnt found that right person yet. you will soon and dont worry. they’ll come back to you. and there will be nothing that will stop you two from being together. not even the apocalypse.

but yes I still cried like a baby. much so like this:

rant. 

I act weird when i talk to you.. because well.. its all you.

Okay well starting this rant off

school is blah

i’m still sick

i swear that medicine is not helping at all

i miss you

I dont know what i’m doing in life anymore

a reason for my behavior: There are a lot of people in the world you meet with. 

many of them you think you wont ever see again but then fate brings you two together. at different times in different eras. you meet. you talk. you connect. 

some people you tend to forget as life goes on. But you were the one i couldnt forget. the one i messed up with countless of times and i’m making up for it now. and always have been. it sucks actually. to not have you there when i needed you. it sucks to think that maybe, just maybe you’d be that friend i forever longed for. I lost hope for a while and went astray. but again life brings me back at your doorstep. and thats why i do weird things, say odd phrases. because maybe, just may you’ll remember something or know me as that “weird” girl. 

that weird girl who misses the guy who she thought was her friend.

and i told you to be patient, and i told you to be fine, i told you to be balanced and i told you to be kind. Who will love you. Who will fight, who will fall far behind- Skinny Love